Overwhelming urge

I’m a 32 year old lad. Decent looking and over the past couple of years I have constantly been wanking and watching sissy hypnosis videos and sissy transformation guides. I have started playing with my own cum and despite feeling ashamed after I do it the urge comes back and I have to do it again. All I have been thinking about is sucking dick ideally on a man older then me. As I said I keep fighting the urge but it;s getting stronger and stronger all the time. I am so nervous to try this place but at the same time desperate to. I am free in the morning later in the week if Daddy wants to show me around.